Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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