NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
