what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize