Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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