Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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