ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
