Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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