if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
