I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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