But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize