The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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