I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
