She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
