Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
