Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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