so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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