Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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