just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
