I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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