the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
