fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
