Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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