I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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