This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
