my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the day after is always just damage control
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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