I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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