he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
