And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
