these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
