You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
