walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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