i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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