You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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