she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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