its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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