At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
