i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
