oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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