Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I need to stop coming to work sober
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
