you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize