I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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