I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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