This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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