well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
