This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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