Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
