i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
