i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
