i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We need to rekindle our bromance
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
