This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
two words...techno handjob
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
