There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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