i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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