he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
