Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
