I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
