you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
