The maid of honor just puked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
