Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
