We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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