No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
