I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
