4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
