so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
