This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
