I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
