i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
