soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
