I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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