youre lurking in front of me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
