how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize