Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
