his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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