he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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