I wish I could punch you in the face.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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