She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
