I want to walk on stilts...naked
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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