i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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