When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
