I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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