Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
