I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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