No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize