I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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