Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im about as happy as oj after his trial
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
