You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
