I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
