no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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