So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
