Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
