I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
