Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We are all done wearing pants today
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