just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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