My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
