I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
