I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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