You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
