hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
