i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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