if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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