remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
