when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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